“I find the great thing in this world is not so much where we stand, as in what direction we are moving…we must sail sometimes with the wind and sometimes against it… but we must not drift nor lie at anchor.” – Oliver Wendell Holmes,
“I find the great thing in this world is not so much where we stand, as in what direction we are moving…we must sail sometimes with the wind and sometimes against it… but we must not drift nor lie at anchor.” - Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.
Today women make up almost forty percent of full-time workers in management but the median wages are only seventy-three percent of what their male counterparts earn. Only four percent of C.E.O.’s in Fortune’s top one thousand companies are women.
In the twenty-two to thirty years old in metropolitan areas, childless females earn less than males in every category with the same educational background.
Once married only twenty percent of wives earn half or more of the family income.
Once they have children women fall well below their husbands in earnings because they cut back their time or take off for periods of time.
So, what does all of this mean for those ladies who want to work and have children?
The pulls are there. The maternal instinct does not disappear and the drive to be a success using your education and talent does not evaporate.
Can you combine the two with some degree of comfort? Maybe.
It is interesting to see who has done it and how it worked out. Are there special qualities or circumstances that help?
The ability to nurture and love an infant and young child is pretty much inborn. Giving that up and leaving to pursue a career is hard. I have witnessed young children screaming, “Mommy,” as a mother went off to her job.
What they don’t see is that most of these children adapt rather quickly to a caretaker who is kind and loving, or a father, who remains with them. The screaming does not last.
That takes a lot for a mother… to walk away hearing her child scream for her.
The image stays however and the guilt that it produces is not easily overcome. But it can be put aside.
Now at the workplace there is another scenario.
This one is fraught with hazardous situations.
There is the need to be in control, perhaps have a superior position over others, requiring other skills, and the good parts of adult relationships; intellectual, challenging, rewarding, or sometimes leading to romantic entanglements.
The changes today in the role of father are dramatic. While many fathers are helpful in a variety of ways they do not do the full time job the way a mother does. Yes, they can help and women can go off to work knowing the child is in good and loving hands, but father is not a mother.
Watch a father when he is alone with a young child. The attention is not totally on that child as it usually is with the mother. His reactions to a fall or a problem are definitely different and less coddling than the mother’s. That is not to say it is a major problem, just that it is different.
Now the bottom line.
Having worked with families all of my professional life and knowing so many people socially over the years, the histories may be very different BUT most children will turn out the way they are whether or not they had a working mother. That should be reassuring to all you working mothers.
What children need is a sense of being loved, protected, and given opportunity to develop their talents, and interests, and that is doable with mothers who work.
What I especially like to emphasize is that the working mother using her education and drive comes home and sets a better example of a well- rounded worldly person who is not boring or shallow.
Now it is also true that a working mother may come home fatigued, annoyed at problems encountered at the workplace, or full of herself from accomplishments or appreciation from work, but given it all I believe she comes home a more satisfied person in the end and that means positive reaction to both her mate and children.
There are probably more unhappy, screwed up kids from intact families or non- working mother families than anywhere else!!!
“It is not what we do, but also what we do not do, for which we are accountable.” - Jean-Baptiste Moliere
“A youth with his first cigar makes himself sick; a youth with his first girl makes everyone sick.” - Mary Wilson Little
“One day Alice came to a fork in the road and saw a Cheshire cat in a tree. “Which road do I take? ”She asked. “Where do you want to go” was his response. “I don’t know,” Alice answered. “Then,” said the cat,“ it doesn’t matter.” - Lewis Carroll.
And that’s the way it is with a lot of teenagers. They are not and cannot be sure where they want to go… especially when it comes to sex.
Teen boys are driven by their hormones and teen girls want to find love and be accepted, and find and hold on to a guy.
That makes for a BIG problem.
Boys pressure and promise devotion and girls buy the line. They can really like the guy but once sex comes into the picture, whether oral, manual, or vaginal the whole story changes. Do not kid yourself the ‘bad’ girls still get a reputation and the boys and girls too, know who they are.
Even when you convince yourself this is DIFFERENT, trust me it isn’t and it will come out the same. You will have to live with it as a young woman, and maybe regret it. The boys just find relief and maybe they do ‘love’ the girl, but that will pass. You will not be buried in old age next to one another. There will be many more people in your love life over time.
So, what’s my advice? Be cautious. You will NEVER forget your first experience, (and it is not usually terrific), and do not waste it. Starter love is great and those feelings are powerful and wonderful, BUT sex is a whole different story. When you are mature, (not an age), sex is fabulous coupled with devotion, and time and all the ups and downs that real love coupled with passion brings.
At sixteen or so you are not THERE. And yes some people never risk it but most try.
Also at sixteen or so you are still developing in many other ways. Lots of them are confusing and difficult.
You are not a young adult and no longer a child but you will waver back and forth between both ends. Act like an infant and need mommy and then act like a young adult and be independent and make your own decisions. Go back and forth and eventually you will be independent and stand on your own two feet and have ALL the responsibility for your life… not always fun. So, enjoy the process and waver back and forth and make decisions but think first.
You have a lot to do with school, career, self-image, sexual desire; perhaps friend issues, siblings, step-families, and so on. It’s a lot.
Acting under the influence of others, alcohol, or drugs, or pressure of, “If you loved me you would.” Or “Of course I will respect you in the morning.” may not work for you in the end.
Now it doesn’t mean if you do act and feel badly later or feel that you made a mistake, the world will not end and it will not be on the eleven o’clock news, but you will have work to do to learn from your behavior.
Real love takes a long time and some people never get there, and true some people just like sex for sex, so you decide what works for you. And sometimes there is room for both aspects.
Again, it has to work for you, and you will KNOW what is right for you.
Sex serves many purposes. Some people need it to feel desired, or accepted. Some people need it to get back at parents. Some use it to just get it over with. And so on…
I’m not even mentioning diseases, birth control or pregnancy here but that all factors into the issue.
How you feel about yourself will determine what you DO.
Difficulty at home with parents as you struggle to emotionally separate yourself is normal but do not go too far as you are not yet finished developing or totally independent. One day you will be. And one day you will have this conversation with your own teenagers. Won’t that be fun telling them about your experiences? You bet!
“I have found the best way to give advice to your children is to find out what they want and then advise them to do it.” - Harry S. Truman
“Do not let too strong a light come into your bedroom. There are a great many things which are enhanced by being seen only in a half-light.” – Ovid
Should you go into a relationship with illusions? Yes and no. Confusing? Indeed!
When in love you idealize the lover and when you are in a relationship over any period of time you see the real person and many of the illusions disappear or become downright annoying. It ain’t cute any more.
When it gets too comfortable people let their hair down, so to speak, and they take one another for granted.
Ever hear the tone of voice when she talks on the phone? Ever hear that addressed to you?
Probably not. She’s all cutesy- putsy with the outside world but snaggletoothed with you!
Ever see him so attentive with another woman and just going through the motions or half listening to you? You bet! Many make no effort to put on or deliver what you need.
Like it or not there is little escape as that is what we have lived, and learned and are comfortable with and believe is right.
When it doesn’t fulfill us we drink, smoke, kick the cat, yell at employees, eat, shop, take drugs or find other sources of comfort, or substitute emotion for work. Most of these solutions don’t fill the void, and some are downright destructive.
It takes a lot of hard work and insight to change the pattern, so many just keep it going. Often even when a mate is changed the pattern persists, just the name changes.
You really have to go through the process of emotionally ‘killing’ the parent of the opposite sex to grow up and be a person in your own right. Then and only then can you move on. It is not easy to have that important person angry with you but it MUST be done. For those that haven’t done the job they are still looking to the parent for approval and you have all seen them calling the parent or being with them TOO much. If you have completed the task, it will later help you live with other people, of authority especially, not ‘liking’ you.
Every male in a relationship includes aspects at given periods of being a son, father and lover.
The old saying of look at the mother if you want to see what your spouse will be like in later life and vice versa for the males is usually true. They are the role models. And the relationship will mirror what went before UNLESS you want to change it. Today there is also the factor of women and men’s roles changing and that enters into it… not always for good. If you did not like what you saw growing up, you may go to an extreme to be different and that can happen but not fast or easily, or sometimes not for the better.
If you have made the beloved what your illusion was before really knowing them you may be very disappointed later. The cute slob before is the mess now, and the way she flits around is no longer desirable as a trait on a steady diet.
He wants to be alone or out with friends, while she wants to shop and spend money. Sex after a baby is not what it used to be and the different ideas about child rearing raise their ugly heads, just to name a few disillusionment’s
So, what’s the last nice thing you did for your partner? Could you think about that regularly or do you become too angry, hurt, or disappointed? Do you fret and have to be right?
Where is the fire, passion, fun, playfulness and so on? Have you become someone just going through the motions and accepting a ho hum life thinking that’s all there is and all you deserve?
Peggy Lee sang that song.
We are walking this planet for a very limited time and yes everyone closer to the finish line says
it is a short life. Well, maybe not if you have LIVED!
Only those who have not been fulfilled fear death; those that have, accept it. We are the only species that knows what the end will be and it’s just a matter of how and when. Hard to live with at times but live it we must… My hope is to have you look at it NOW, and regret little at that finish line!!!
Make your illusions a reality and revel in them and share the joy with that special one and it will spread in many forms to all those around you. You can spot the people who have, ‘it.’ Dead people have NO illusions.
“Understanding is a lot like sex: it’s got a practical purpose, but that’s not why people do it normally” - Frank Oppenheimer
“If you want to read about love and marriage you’ve got to buy two separate books.” – Alan King
“The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.” - Henny Youngman
“I know nothing about sex because I was always married.” - Zsa Zsa Gabor
Yeh, yeh, yeh… ain’t love grand?
The lusty days of early love and marriage to the one you adore will wax and wane. There is no getting around it.
When someone is available, and you see them in all their glory night and day feelings change and can erode. Most often this occurs after about five or so years. That is when we become vulnerable to an outside influence and may become attracted to others. Of course if you are not really emotionally close you can just be going about your business and not even be aware of the changes.
Now the people who really love and who can still get excited and get it on together know how to deal with this problem. They are the relationships that remain juicy for years.
They talk about it, make sure the secretary is old and ugly, plan fun projects together and keep themselves marketable. They do not walk around the house in ratty nightgowns and they always smell good. They complement one another and are as nice to each other as they are to friends.
By the way, research shows that women are more attracted to pleasant smells than men so they should not be the only ones wearing perfume!
It is easy to slip into complacency and have a perfunctory sex life. It is difficult to keep improving oneself and like Scheherazade keep him interested.
Men for the most part are turned on by sight…looking at the body parts they like. It is not difficult for them. Women on the other hand need to hear sweet nothings and feel they are loved. Men who learn how to love also like to know they are appreciated.
The biggest help is letting your partner know and SEE that they turn you on and that helps them.
Humor helps as well as a playful attitude.
Now specifically what can you do?
Well, you can be interesting, fun, and do things to share with one another.
You can take courses, be involved in activities and talk about new and exciting ideas.
If none of this works maybe you need a new partner!
If you are bored you may be boring!
Try cute ways to let your beloved know you still love them. Notes in pockets or on pillows, a fun gift in the cereal box, write “I love you” on the mirror in lipstick, pin a place to meet on their underwear, or send flowers… guys like that too.
Food can be great, cooking a favorite meal together, licking stuff off one another….
Bubble baths with music and candles work too.
Music and dancing…
Wine or champagne makes the world prettier and inhibitions loosen.
Read poetry or write a poem.
As long as you are good in bed “It” stays alive. After that, you have a really good friend!!!
“When love comes to an end, weaklings cry, efficient ones instantly find another love, and the wise already have one in reserve.” - Oscar Wilde
“I did not come here to talk” - Mark Antony to Cleopatra
“Women have a muchbetter time than men in this world; there are far more things forbidden to them.” - Oscar Wilde
What’s all this commotion lately about Sheryl Sandberg’s book, “Lean
She sort of says women need to be like men to get ahead. NO, NO, and NO!
Women need to be what they are; WOMEN!!
Before you start screaming; I believe in women being educated, and using their backgrounds. As a matter of fact male college enrollment is going down 43%.Girls are now valedictorians 70% of the time, and 66% of the girls value high paying jobs compared to 59% of the males. Girls are still paid only .82 cents to every dollar a male earns.
Some things are changing and boys find it hard to sit still in class and view school as less manly, while girls excel in communication skills. There are gender differences.
The role of men is also changing as women enter and move up the ladder to that glass ceiling, (whatever that means).Men are staying home and helping with the house and children. I don’t care what they say there is nothing like a good mother. Ever watch a guy looking after his young child? They are oblivious!
At any rate here we have it; talented women in the work world. Let’s not discuss what happens when she earns more than he does.
Now if these ladies are attractive there is exposure to other men and the whole business. If the marriage or relationship is waning that presents other variables. Very different from the older generation who stayed at home.
I think women want to be beautiful and be inspiring love; in the end. So how does it all get played out and how can women be that Madonna who is accomplished and be that sexy, whore where that counts?
Is it possible?
Not for many. Why?
To be in love you have to go crazy at times. Not a bonus in the real tough world. To be in love you have to be vulnerable. Not what CEO’s are listing on their resumes. To be in love your brain becomes like an addict’s brain. Not a plus in the world of work. Some of this is true for men as well but different for a truly feminine woman.
Can you turn it off while at work? Perhaps but not at the root, in your heart. What matters?
And so on.
In my view it takes an extraordinary woman to possess the dual qualities of accomplishment at high levels and the femininity to have an intense intimate relationship!
Go find her.
There are some rare ones out there but few and far between.
There is one theory on the horizon that can help and that is expounded by the CEO of Business Talent Group. She says there should be top positions that are available on less than a full time basis. That would give those women at the top the opportunity to perhaps work three days a week or so. The job would still be done and taken in shorter bites. Time for love, children, and other activities. Great idea!!
Whatever the outcome, over time, top people will make their world and hopefully not have to suffer the job taking over their lives… because
Life with love and a relationship with intensity is the ONLY pure joy in this life. Accomplishment and using one’s talents and remaining female to the core is not easy today. No one has it all and there is no rose covered path for anyone… men, or women. My belief is that the best will still be what nature gave them and centuries of evolution cannot be wiped away…nor should it.
The 1960’s and birth control, along with books like, “The Joy of Sex” helped liberate women in those areas. Now we need to address this issue. This is all about being at the top but there are millions struggling as well, who are not in those lofty arenas. Get on with it for all women, (and men too).
Those that can’t incorporate the Madonna with the whore are usually just limited and jealous.
“Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo” - H. G. Wells
“Prosperity depends more on wanting what you have than having what you want.” – Geoffrey F. Abert.
“Less is more.” - Ludwig Mies van der Rohe
When it comes to showing off there is no shortage of jackasses. The world is full of people, especially today, making sure you know they have money.
It’s really quite interesting to observe the many forms this whole business takes. It can be as simple as over tipping or a fancy car or designer anything.
Men can order Chateau de Chine wine and women can wear Valentino and big diamonds. You know immediately what you are dealing with; shallow and superficial people for the most part. Poor taste usually too. What are the values people hold dear, and where does money come into the picture?
Now the real queen doesn’t have to announce she’s the queen. So too with real people whose values supersede material display.
Do not get me wrong, there is pleasure in having earned or inheriting money, and living a gracious life. Being surrounded by beautiful things certainly brings pleasure. It’s the fools who try to impress that I’m referring to here.
Whenever you see it you know it, and for the other fools they then get into a competition of who can buy more or better of whatever. Ridiculous!!
The only thing men care about usually is the bottom line in their worth. They can show off with a big house, or car, or buying art, or jewelry for the women in their lives. They can also, if they are beyond all that, help others and become engaged in doing good deeds that really make the world better. The truly great ones don’t even need their names on the buildings they have donated for causes. How many are there in this category? Few!
The women, on the other hand, have to show off with clothes and jewelry. They do it to impress other women. Men don’t give a damn about that. They look at a woman in different ways. What she wears has little to do with attracting them.
Art is a prime example of where these people are off course
In Miami every year there is an art show, Art Basil.
It is full of the most grotesque nonsensical ugly pieces of junk you can imagine.
Now all these horses’ asses with money come and discuss the pieces and pay fortunes for them. Maybe a movie star, (great art critics that they are), has bought a piece so its value immediately rises. It is such a joke.
Tom Wolfe recently came out with a new book: “Back To Blood” and he describes this whole scene in great detail and hits the mark. What a pleasure.
When is enough, enough? What do you need to make you happy or to feel important?
How much money can buy love???
When you see the wealthy men with young attractive women and you know they have ‘bought’ her, or today the ‘cougar’ women with young lovers, they end up getting what they deserve, and bargained for… misery in their heart of hearts. It just ain’t worth it.
Whose feet are next to yours in bed every night matters. The jewelry et cetera won’t do it.
Actually nobody can make you happy. It’s up to you and you alone. It’s important to take a step back periodically and ask yourself where you are in life, where you are going and what does make you happy.
Short of terrible crises your life is what you make it. Who decides?
“Riches do not consist in the possession of treasures, but in the use made of them.” - Napoleon Bonaparte
“What is there in the value of life? Half as delightful as a wife When friendship, love and peace combine to stamp the marriage bond divine?” – William Cowper
“All love that has not friendship for its base, Is like a mansion built upon the sand.” – Ella Wheeler Wilcox
So is friendship enough for a marriage? For many people it is and it is comfortable and after many years, or maybe even a few, with all the routines of everyday life, raising children, and earning a living ,that’s just enough for the majority of people….. fine, BUT not for those who still have the spark.
Life as friendship is OK for many, many, people. Having a companion and being where it feels comfortable with established habits is not a bad thing. For most of the universe it suffices, and that is just dandy. It can indeed be a satisfying life and those couples are content with friendship and doing things together, and enjoying their families.
All good things and it makes for a stable society. No problem… Now for the few and rare exceptional ones it is never enough.
Please don’t get me wrong, that life is fine and if people are satisfied that is all that counts. I cannot disagree with any of it. BUT when it is not enough, and some people only discover that
late in life, they look for more. Sometimes a crisis will cause them to examine their lives. Finding romance is not easy. Making a lover happy is not easily accomplished. There is the issue of ways to communicate, then how to relate and what to share. Look at all the famous people who have been involved this way yet alone the ones that are not famous. It’s the clandestine calls, the assignations, and the expectations.
There is also the guilt, or lack thereof, and the fear of discovery. The spouse is the one deceived and feared. The relationship is artificial in some sense as only the best of you is presented and the time spent together is close to perfect… a bit unrealistic. However, there have been many companionship marriages that have included known or unknown love affairs on the side. At times it makes the marriage more bearable.
The problems arise when the lover wants more or is unsatisfied with the role. The JFK relationship with Judith Exner is a prime example. It went on for a number of years and in fact included love. At one point she had a pregnancy that was aborted. He surely trusted her and gave her secret documents to transport for him. What was sad was the way in which they were not able to go beyond what they had. He had difficulty really loving. Not unusual for powerful men. Love however will not be denied. What she had control over she did not exercise as is true for most women in this situation. She did not deny herself to him. She waited for his call and his summoning of her. He did ultimately tell her he was unhappy in his marriage and that he loved her!
So what does this mean for those that ‘settle’ for a companion as a marriage partner? Maybe they are contented and make do for life finding fulfillment in other areas, OR maybe they miss the boat and die unfulfilled. Some are scared to branch out and others never even explore the options. Whatever the choices, they are ours to make. We are all different with different needs and capacities. There is no one right answer for everyone. The idea of one person for life usually just doesn’t do it!!!
“Love lasts about seven years. That’s how long it takes for the cells of the body to totally replace themselves.” – Francoise Sagan
Lots of luck for even seven years!!!
“Knowledge is power” - ” Sir Francis Bacon
“The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money usually costs a lot less.” – Brendan Behan
Think about it… everyone is a prostitute… of sorts.
We all have sex for a variety of reasons and good sex includes knowing what and how to do IT.
Great sex includes love.
BUT we all do IT for a reason and that reason means we are prostituting ourselves for our particular needs. That’s true whether you want to believe it or not.
How many are married because they wanted security? How many are together for the children?
How many are there for company? How many are there to have… sex? You fill in the blank.
The initial reason may have changed dramatically over the years as the individuals and their life circumstances and their emotional and intellectual development progressed. One person for life is a foolish promise and the premise is ridiculous. You must choose and re-choose the person. It can be quite a challenge.
Now about the sex act itself. What’s in your head???
What kind of education did anybody receive about that? How is the trial and error method working?
Where does control, pain as part of it, or other fetishes fit in? There’s a lot more to it than body holes and poles!
Yes it can be simple and the missionary position gets the job done BUT what a difference if the guy really knows how to excite his lady. What about the clitoris and massaging it, and what about slowly caressing her ALL over to bring her to that final release of ecstasy. The smells and the sounds and the discharge of vaginal fluid make him over the top happy. Does she know the Kegel exercises; squeezing the vaginal walls in and then out to make them firm? It helps.
For her part does she know how to use the squeeze technique to slow him down? Holding the shaft of the penis head as he rises and falls. Pressure under the base near the anus gives him pure delight, licking the scrotum…and so on.
Who teaches all this and who is free enough to learn and do it?
Not a whole lot of people.
Sex can be embarrassing.
As a therapist and sex educator for over thirty years I have heard it all.
I once had a prostitute come for counseling as she was having a problem with her husband.
She had been married about ten years and had the face of a beautiful, fresh farm girl.
She prostituted for money for her husband’s drug problem. He knew what she did.
When she talked about the details one curious thing came out. She said that the most money she received regularly was from a well-known older man who only wanted to look at her, touch her while she was clothed and talk. So what’s that about?
People are lonely and many feel unappreciated and cannot be themselves and still have a good sex life.
If you want to be sexy use everything at your disposal, ALL THE TIME!!!
There are creams, bubble baths, candles, dinners, gifts, sweet talk, and lingerie. You think of it and it can be incorporated. Whatever pleases the participants is just fine!! Nobody else matters, or quite frankly gives a damn. Those that talk in moralistic tones are repressed or just plain jealous… probably with outlets that are ridiculous and very poor substitutes. Even creative or work output doesn’t hold a candle to lively, satisfying sex. Sex in the head is never as good as juicy sex with a partner in bed!
So, yes, prostitute yourself and while at it have a good time! The older generation had wives that were parasites on their husbands and this generation shares more equally and uses one another in better fashion. I, however still believe that the human species follows their ancestors with the woman being the nurturer and the man the slayer. Instincts don’t get wiped out, and sex with a receiver and a thruster are the roles we still play, as our anatomy dictates!
“I need sex for a clear complexion, but I’d rather do it for love.” – Joan Crawford
“Great passions are mortal illnesses. What might cure them makes them but more dangerous than before. So, lively brisk old fellow, don’t let age get you down. White hairs or not, you can still be a lover.” - Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe
Goethe, a famous German author, had a slew of relationships up to age seventy-four. Many were triangles and often with women married and older than he. His sex life, interestingly, did not begin until he was thirty-nine!
He did not marry until he was fifty-seven and only after they had lived together for fifteen years. He died at age eighty-two, in 1832.
So what did he learn about life and love? A lot.
He got to ‘yes, dear’ finally, and so do most married men.
They may start out as full individuals and often successful, competent people, but in marriage they crumble and do their wife’s bidding. Why?
Well, my theory is that it is, in this case, the mother’s fault.
As children they seek her approval and know that to go against her brings all sorts of bad things; from mild disapproval, maybe never even said, to outright physical abuse, in some sad cases.
So they learn to ‘please’ her no matter the cost to themselves. She can make their emotional life a living hell, and worse yet, a lack of feeling secure and loved. Don’t think this ever goes away. It doesn’t The woman then becomes the holder of their peace, and often, happiness. This is transferred to all women they become really involved with. It’s there for life.
In order to connect with another woman men have to ‘give up’ their feelings for their first and most powerful connection; their mother. It is easier for girls to give up their fathers and move on to other men as the father was not the primary source of satisfaction for them.
Now the males that rebel and work it through as adolescents, appropriately, have a better chance of finding an equal and mature relationship. The ones that really rebel become the tyrants in their relationships and they are still fighting off their mothers in anger.
It is so much easier to avoid the displeasure and aggravation by just saying, in any form, ’yes, dear.’
Look at all the men trailing their wives, doing their bidding and going along with whatever, just so they are not harassed or given the ‘eye.’ We have all seen it, and over time it just becomes habit and they lead perfunctory lives. What a waste. Is it really easier in the long run? I don’t think so. The price to the self is steep. They become scared rabbits, where she is concerned.
A real woman wants a real man and they both accept the areas in which they disagree or express their needs that may indeed be different from one another. There are many areas in which couples have different points of view, needs, or wishes, and the trick is to compromise. No one should always get their way. It is a shared experience. In some instances one supersedes the other and at times it may in fact be a hundred percent on one side but hopefully there are other times when the pendulum swings and the other one gets one hundred percent. It is never always fifty, fifty!
What is especially interesting today are the new forms of meeting people and the ways in which people decide to form a committed relationship.
The Internet has changed mating patterns. In the 1950’s young people had cars and were out of the parents’ home but the chauvinistic patterns were there and the real personality did not necessarily come out before they married.
Now with changes in women’s lives, education, careers, and sexuality it’s even more difficult to get to the authentic self before marriage. Choosing a partner is still a crap shoot in many respects. There is no test to insure the future or if he can get to ‘yes, dear.’ Of course not every woman wants that. Many women are looking for equality in their personal lives. Today people and relationships are too often expendable. The role of marriage has changed. We all have hidden layers and there is no crystal ball. Would we even want it were it possible?
Maybe Goethe was right to have a lot of experience and age under his belt; maybe not. Courtship seems to be a dying experiment, and everything today is ‘instant. ‘We must each take the biggest gamble of our lives when we fall in love and or decide to be with another person. Even if you are not a gambler the dice will roll. If you want guarantees buy a car battery!
“Nature and art being two different things cannot be the same thing… Academic training in beauty is a sham. When we love a woman, we don’t start measuring her legs. For me, there are two kinds of women… goddesses and doormats.” - Pablo Picasso
“To pretend to satisfy one”s desires by possession is like using straw to put out a fire.” – Chinese Proverb
“A woman unsatisfied must have luxuries. But a woman who loves a man would sleep on a board.” - D.H. Lawrence
If it isn’t shiny and I can’t wear it around my neck it ain’t no present! Yes, that’s true sometimes but not always.
Mothers need to teach their sons how to woo a girl.
Flowers are lovely and candy is thoughtful but jewelry really counts!
Little boys should learn that. Big boys certainly know it.
Now there are many aspects to this theory.
If you have limited funds a thoughtful memento will do wonders.
It’s something that is a silent reminder of the caring and it shows you he does care. It’s a concrete method of showing love.
Now there are other purposes for buying jewelry when it comes to grown men.
It can be a declaration of how much money I can spend on this stuff. It can be notice my gorgeous partner. It can be a makeup gift for a wrong committed. It can be a command from a spouse who has put in the time or delivered the children. It can be a substitute for real feelings and expressions of them. It can be for someone not a partner that needs that reassurance. It can be… you name it.
What it is and how much it costs is another factor for consideration.
The thought that goes into the selection is important and often women pick out what they want and the guy just writes the check. But sometimes it is truly,”The Gift Of The Magi.” Who can forget that story and the sweet sacrifices made to please the partner?
Whatever is behind it the woman will surely take it as a declaration of a concrete manifestation of love, deluded or not.
When it is truly a loving gesture the recipient knows it and appreciates it and can show her love in return. She too can buy things for him but jewelry is really the mainstay of a man’s domain when it comes to showing his appreciation and love for his woman. It should bring him joy and the giving should be in keeping with his ability to buy something nice.
If he is tight with money or believes he can “buy” love he is usually not a fully loving person. These people have either struggled for their money, can’t give totally in any way, or think they have to buy caring. Very sad.
So, in view of all of this I have developed a ‘love” jewelry line which will soon be available in fine stores, called “The Wings of Love.” Pictures will soon be available on this site and information about how to obtain the items will be included. It is for the romantics and dates, or initials or a small message can be engraved on the back. It is truly beautiful, affordable and when you wear it you will know how truly loved you are!