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“You make me chuckle when you say that you are no longer young, that you have turned 24. A man is or may be young to after 60, and not old before 80.” – Oliver Wendell Holmes Jr.

Lately I’ve been talking to a lot of young people and what has popped up is a particular age fraught with emotional issues; 24. Both males and females seem to encounter problems at this particular age. For girls, they are grappling with guys who don’t want to say, “I love you” and can’t commit. Many males don’t engage in sex saying they are tied up in their careers, or doing other activities like running to the gym three times a day!

The females are frustrated and long for a relationship and they see their men all the time and really want them to come through. This can go on for a few years or longer while they hope the guy will finally settle and be with them the way they want. That happens once the guys turn 27 on. So if you are 24, listen up. You need to look at your goals and maybe don’t let a potentially great relationship wither away. Now I’m not suggesting you have to engage emotionally commit, or even have sex, BUT why not? When you look throughout history what is especially interesting, (not for parents), is that very loose women have ended up with some fabulous men and great lives. Pamela Harriman is but one example. That the men don’t push for this is indeed surprising to me. All the dating stuff that is there at every age is also part of the picture.

Who calls whom, who causes fights, who makes up, where you go, who pays, and all the rest. The physical part is the area that doesn’t happen to the full extent. While it is true many females get clutchy, demanding, and jealous and guys feel pressured and want to have their options open, there is still the possibility of having a good, and learning experience. True, you are not at the end of the line, and marriage is not even an issue here, but you can try your wings at love and all that it involves; the great and the difficult. Love is not learned or experienced overnight or more than usually probably twice in a lifetime. That stuff that every generation copes with, writes songs and poetry about is all that it’s cracked up to be, so jump in. ‘Starter’ boyfriends and girlfriends are wonderful. They will help you as you move along this journey. Look at your peers who have taken the gamble.

Even in the best of circumstances with much experience and maturity monogamy is not always sustainable. Forty percent of women and sixty percent of married men report affairs. Maybe they needed even more relationships in their past to know what this love thing is all about??? No matter what your age when you are attracted and long for someone the feelings are the same. You light up around them, dress for them, You’re Twenty-Four It Ain’t Easyhang on every word and gesture and want to be SO close. That feeling that you don’t want to live without them is universal. When there are problems or you feel any rejection you want to DIE! Yes, that’s loving someone. To be afraid at 24 is normal. To be afraid at any age is normal. Love can be scary. Sharing thoughts, feelings, and a body is frightening, BUT, you cannot ever have it without going through the process. It is a process and you have to want it, and be brave to reap the rewards.

I am not talking about ‘needy’ people here, just the normal run of the mill males and females wanting to share their entire selves in an open relationship. It may take many trials to trust that you can love and be loved for yourself, but keep on trying until it happens BECAUSE there is nothing, and I mean nothing like it on this earth!!! And do remember you are not 24 for life!

“I sometimes think we all die at twenty-five and after that we are nothing but walking corpses, with gramophones inside.” – George Santayana

You’re Twenty-Four… It Ain’t Easy

“If rich people could hire other people to die for them, the poor could make a wonderful living.” – Yiddish Proverb

Does money mean success and is that all it takes to impress someone?

According to some studies, that statement is true. In my book, part of that is true but often any horse’s ass can have money and be totally superficial and shallow. Substance and a real human being requires much more.

In one study they did indeed find that, money, not intelligence, helped men to have more sex but it was also true that it was intelligence that helped them make money!

Another study found that anytime you bought something beautiful that you really loved and fully enjoyed without guilt, you were definitely improving your mental health.

How To Impress Her

How To Impress Her

What it takes to be successful and have money today takes a toll on us and what we can give emotionally in relationships. Wealth and concrete achievement are only one piece of the ‘good’ life.

Few of our presidents, for example, have been successful businessmen. Warren G. Harding was one. Most of those we revere have suffered and conquered adversity.

We pay attention to the wrong values and set limited goals for our children.

Being worldly and curious, knowing people from varied cultures, and being capable of true intimacy, makes us genuine.

Whom do we pay huge sums of money to, and who are our children’s role models?

Where is any of this explored or taught?

The apostle Paul wrote that the love of money is the root of all evil, and Dante reserved his Fourth Circle of Hell for those guilty of avarice and prodigality. This is obviously not a new subject for review!

Now … if you have some money and want to impress, here are some ideas:

Jewelry; JAR in Paris

Handmade shoes; Gaziano and Girling in England

Men’s shoes; John Lobb, Pierre Hardy, Louis Leeman

Ladies shoes; Christian Louboutin, Manola Blahnik, Jimmy Choo, Chanel

Men’s clothes; Savile Row in London, Nino Corvato in New York

Women’s clothes; Too many to list Special mention; Alaia, and Vionnet

Lingerie; Sabia Rosa and Chantel Thomass in Paris, Janet Reger in London

Restaurants; Go to Urbanspoon.com and VeryFirstTo.com will book top restaurants and hotels for you.

Personal perfume; Lyn Harris in England, Nova Studio in Brooklyn, Yosh Han in San Francisco, Francis Kurkdjian in Paris, and Roja Dove the most expensive (40,000! In a crystal bottle!!)

Wine and Champagne

The best champagnes are produced by Krug and Jacques Selosse. Big houses are mostly pricey because of marketing.

Caviar; Sevruga, Eat it off back of hand near thumb!

Burgundy; Romanee Conti

Bordeaux; Château Lafite Rothschild, Mouton Rothschild, Petrus, Le Pin

How to impress her or him

How to impress her or him

Sauterne; Chateau d’Yquem

You can have these great wine and more delivered to you from Canada’s most prestigious wine site: WineOnline.ca

Yachting; amanresorts.com ($43,000 a couple for seven nights)

Skiing; johnfalkiner.com

Travel to your roots; ancesrtalfootsteps.com

Portraits; lehmannmaupin.com

There it is… a list for fun and pleasure and to impress others. All it takes is money!!!

“Money is human happiness in the abstract; he, then who is no longer capable of enjoying human happiness in the concrete devotes himself utterly to money.” – Arthur Schopenhauer

 

 

 

 

 

 

How To Impress Her Or Him

“People who are sensible about love are incapable of it.” – Douglas Yates

We all know people who we think are ‘smart.’ What defines that for you?

For my money, there are all kinds of smart.

There’s the book learning smart. Those people who read and can tell you all sorts of regurgitated facts or ideas from others.

There’s the professorial type or school marm type who think they have mastered a subject and go on to teach it… over and over again.

There’s the accomplished professional, whatever, who really knows their field and excels at it.

There’s the worldly wise who may or may not be formally educated.

There’s the street-smart person who has learned how to negotiate with the variety of people represented in their world.

There’s the curious person who continues to expand and learn about the world at large and the people who inhabit it.

For my money IQ means nothing, BUT EQ is where it’s at. That’s the emotional quotient and There’s All Kinds Of Smart1 that tells me who’s truly ‘smart.’

It seems that many ‘smart’ and accomplished people like to be in control and they are responsible, often talented, and gifted people, in a variety of fields.

They are wonderful and make this world better. They work hard at what they do and they get stuff done. No problem.

The issue is that life is full of contradictions and it is scary so the way they get through is to have a routine and not stray out of their comfort zone, with people who are different from them or areas where they are not protected emotionally. They like their ‘bubble.’ Fine, but limiting. They do not give in to their feelings and often bury them in other activities, or work or whatever.

Often the only real raw emotion they can feel and express is anger. This is especially true when they have leadership positions. Their tender emotions go underground, so to speak. Often they are depressed and push that way down inside themselves; sometimes getting visceral reactions or actually becoming ill.

There is all kind of smart2The question then becomes, can you be successful at what you do and also learn how to love?

The really smart ones have done it. Maybe not right away but they will know how they feel and how they are living and they will search for emotional fulfillment.

Often they have to pay a big price; giving up a relationship or marriage that doesn’t work, leaving children, changing jobs, disappointing family and so on.

However, ask any of them if the end was worth it and you will hear a resounding, “Yes,” as then they are ALIVE!!

Being smart about all of this takes time and experience and looking at the way you relate to someone you are drawn to. It starts with that good old sex drive. Nothing good happens without that beginning.

From there it’s baby steps disclosing the real you and like peeling an onion, the layers come off until you are naked in EVERY way. If you are thinking and analyzing it all, it ain’t love in the end.

No one can call themselves smart as far as I’m concerned and I’ve been in this business a long time, until they learn and share love. All the rest is going through the motions and getting through the mundane chores of life. There can be fun, travel,  dining out, dances, theater, and so on, but unless you have love with it, it is just doing stuff. When you LOVE, you can sit in a run-down coffee shop with your lover and it is magical!

Giving up control and having total surrender is indeed frightening, and not everyone will do it, but I encourage you, as that is the ONLY way to live joyously.

That is the reason for this blog and I will promise you it is worth it, so try …

“To live is like love – all reason is against it, and all healthy instinct for it.” – Samuel Butler

There’s All Kinds Of Smart

“The ‘good’ child may be frightened, and insecure, wanting only to please his parents by submitting to their will, while the ‘bad’ child may have a will of his own and genuine interests but ones which do not please the parents.” – Erich Fromm

There you have it in a nutshell.

We have children for a variety of reasons, not least of which is to make us proud and live a life we approve of. We live and teach our values, most dictated by the culture we live in.

When a child is born into a ‘famous’ family it is what he learns from day one. The parent may be consumed by their fame and success but the child knows only that the parent is good or not so good for them. Now positive fame brings with it many rewards; wealth, power, position in society and a variety of people that are usually of the same ilk. Family becomes something different for these children.

To try to equal the parent becomes a Herculean task. Being proud and using, the fame for one’s advantage becomes easy. If we look at what has happened to many children of such parents we can see a number of them falling by the wayside and never reaching their full potential or just giving up. Let’s see some of the examples in living color.

Antony and Cleopatra married in 36 B.C.Children of  Celeb

She had three children; ten year old twins Alexander and Cleopatra, and four-year-old Ptolemy. She also had a seventeen-year-old son from Julius Caesar. He had five children from three other wives. Their children were considered illegitimate in Roman law, as he was married and did not divorce until four years later.

Octavian, who ruled Rome after Antony, had the seventeen year old killed. Antony’s ex-wife raised the three remaining children of theirs. The record shows that the daughter,

Cleopatra, married a prince who became king of Nubia. There is no mention of the other children’s fates. One of Antony’s daughters with his ex-wife was the grandmother of Nero.

Benjamin Franklin

William was his son and illegitimate, with no record of who his mother was. Franklin and his common law wife, Deborah, raised him. She was already married to a man that had left her. They had two children; a son who died at age four and a daughter, Sarah. William was his father’s favorite, and went all over the world with him. As an adult, he too fathered an illegitimate son. He later married a daughter of a wealthy Barbados sugar planter in 1762, and this did not make his father happy.

He was appointed royal governor of New Jersey. Later he and his father did not speak as they differed on political opinions. Franklin disinherited him. William was later imprisoned.

After nine years when he was out of prison, he wrote his father and they corresponded and briefly saw one another. William remarried after his wife’s death and his son, Temple, became a lawyer and fathered an illegitimate daughter. William like his father disinherited his son.

Albert Einstein

He had two sons from his first marriage to Mileva. She left him in 1914 and took the sons to Switzerland. He said the bad marriage made him work hard on his theories.

His elder son, Hans Albert, talked about his father as being loving and involved when he was a child. He too became a scientist but never competed with his father who he felt gave up on him. They came to America in the 1930’s.

Cleopatra

Cleopatra

The younger son, Eduard, was four when his parents separated and nine when they divorced. He was a pianist and studied medicine. He lived in Zurich and his father lived in Berlin and saw him rarely. In his teens, he sent admiring letters to his father but then they turned angry and bitter. He was diagnosed as schizophrenic and nothing helped. He never saw his father again after 1933. His mother cared for him until her death. He died in 1965; at age fifty-five, in an institution. Einstein had remarried in America.

Sigmund Freud

He had six children and the youngest was Anna.

She was the most devoted to him and cared for him for the sixteen years he suffered with cancer of the jaw, which was extremely painful.

Interestingly he sent his sons to a family doctor to learn the facts of life.

One son became an architect, another a lawyer, but it was Anna who followed in her father’s footsteps and became a child analyst. Against criticism, her father analyzed her and she learned all her techniques from him.

He died when she was forty-four and she became famous for her work on emotional development of children, and she was the leading child psychoanalyst.

Lucian Freud, a grandson, was a famous painter, and great granddaughter Emma, was the host of a hit British talk show called “Pillow Talk” which she did wearing pajamas in bed!

Gypsy Rose Lee

As a stripper, her son, Erik, had an unusual childhood, touring and seeing her perform.

She had divorced her second husband when she was pregnant. She told Erik that was his father.

She then married a third time and he took that man’s name.

It wasn’t until he was seventeen in 1961 that he learned who his real father was.

His mother stopped stripping at age forty-two in 1957 and she divorced again.

A psychiatrist told him the man he was told was his father refused to pay him, and Erik confronted his mother. She told him that he must never contact his father, and it was Otto Preminger. She choose him to be the father, but did not want him involved after that.

When Erik was twenty-two, and Preminger, sixty, he learned that his son was told the truth and he contacted him. They then worked together but Gypsy made them keep the secret from the world. When Gypsy died of lung cancer in 1970 Preminger publicly announced that he was adopting his son who was then twenty-six.

So, fame has its rewards and its downfalls, just like the rest of the world, only fame brings it to the world’s attention.

“The finest inheritance you can give to a child is to allow it to make its own way, completely on its own feet.” – Isadora Duncan

 

Children Of Famous People… What Happens

“If you think marriage is going to be perfect, you’re probably still at your reception.”Martha Bolton

What is this thing about marriage and monogamy these days? It’s changing, that’s for sure.

About four and a half million years ago hominids mated with many females, then about three and a half million years ago they found that they had shifted toward more monogamy. Our lineage never evolved to be strictly monogamous, but even in polygamous relationships men and women formed long-term bonds. The reason is an interesting one; In a bonded relationship, the father tends to stick around and help care for the offspring, and protect the mother and infant from attacks from other males, and provide protein, which led to survival and increased brain size!

How does that play out today? Well, actually in some of the same ways.

One Person For Life Yea Or Nay

One Person For Life Yea Or Nay

To share goals and have an individual life and accomplishment also helps.

To set realistic expectations and learn to communicate feelings is a BIG plus.

Being free and sharing, a strong passionate life is the real savior of being together and keeping love alive.

Learning how to pleasure one another and having variety and ‘surprises’ keeps the spark going.

 All this takes insight and learning. This generation is doing a better job in those areas.

What they are not doing is learning about romance, waiting, and nurturing love.

First marriages usually repeat the emotional life of the parents’ marriage and most of that learning is not beneficial. To be aware and know what to look out for and what to work on is great insurance. Unfortunately, there is no school for this, the most important of roles.

Most marriages find the passion that hopefully was there to start, diminished, after about two years. After about seven years, the relationship becomes routine and uneventful, with the business of running a household, and raising children taking predominance. Then the habits set in. BORING!!!

One way to avoid this is to renew the contract, so to speak, after a period of time, and set new goals, wishes, dreams… whatever.

New projects can inject life into a dull existence and new ways of relating as people grow and develop will assist. Having joint ventures helps, as well.

One Person For Life   Yea Or Nay

One Person For Life Yea Or Nay

Once children are out of the house the relationship is in focus and a re-evaluation should take place.

What is especially interesting these days is the large number of divorces in couples over fifty. This is a result of the changing role of women, in and out of bed, and the realization on the part of men and women that it’s now or never, to be fulfilled.

By not taking each other for granted and knowing the pitfalls people can avoid hitting a land mine. The issues that once seemed important are dwarfed by the power to love and be loved.

Sex is necessary as a part of this whole equation and both men and women have learned that, and are willing to do what it takes to achieve complete happiness in mind, heart and body.

Having a ‘yummy’ partner is the height of what this life is about. All the rest is shallow, and superficial. Yes, necessary to get the job done, and the house paid for and the kids in college, BUT without the fire, forget it!

Of course that means being vulnerable and wishing you were dead at times but well worth the struggle. Love is the highest level of humanity and NOTHING replaces it.

So, can two people stay together for a lifetime? Maybe some. Are they happy? Maybe some. Have they looked at it? Maybe some.

We learn about ourselves through intimacy and that takes courage and a risk. Not everyone is capable. That is why many marriages endure, and that’s the word, endure, because they are uneventful and habit forming.

Those that continue with passion and love are the rare and wonderful ones that are truly alive.

So, go to it, embrace it, and do whatever it takes to achieve that end. You will never be sorry!!!

“So heavy is the chain of wedlock that it needs two to carry it, and sometimes three.”Alexander Dumas

One Person For Life… Yea Or Nay

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