“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn’t it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up.” – Neil Gaiman
Mess you up is the least of it! It can make you wish you weren’t alive! Some people do end their lives when love has broken their hearts.
The phrase itself says it… a broken heart.
When you have given your heart to someone and you have entrusted it to them you are taking a chance no matter how carefully you have screened them. It is also true that feelings can change and one or both partners fall out of love with one another.
You know it when it happens. You drift apart or you have an eruption.
Now no one…no…not anyone can escape this process in life when you really have learned how to love. Most of us love this way, maybe twice in a lifetime. It is a process of experience. Some people are in love with love and fall in and out or so they think a lot, but real intimacy happens rarely.
You do give up a part of yourself in this kind of a relationship.
You idealize the masculinity or femininity of the partner based on your ideals and values.
When you start to fall away from those feelings and see him or her in living color, so to speak, you may see things that truly make you want to run in another direction.
Now for some, the feelings may be rekindled. Maybe through time and communication, the hearts are reunited. Maybe by withdrawing and little or no, or bad communication, the feelings are exasperated and you know you need to get away from this person emotionally. They are not good for you. If you linger on, the truth will eventually out and you will know it. There’s that song about never getting ‘that’ feeling back again. ‘That’ feeling never lies or betrays itself. You cannot fool your heart.
So, if you have not had a broken heart at some time you haven’t loved!!
That’s the good news! To love is to be able to be hurt… almost mortally.
I am not talking wounded; I am talking ‘killed.’
The next phase is to either stay with the broken heart, vow never to try again, or to mend it.
How to mend it you ask?
Through a number of ways
If you are to love again then that will help because that message will be picked up and indeed in time you will love again. Maybe not in the same way; maybe even better.
I believe in doing whatever it takes to move along. Have a glass or two of wine, take a Xanax occasionally, talk to friends or whomever and get a message in your head that helps you rid yourself of that person! Get involved in whatever activities please you and keep busy.
Of course, if you were the one, ‘done to’ that needs different repair work. You have to know your strong points and get confidence back. How you feel about how you look; your face, body, et cetera, may need a bit of work. Maybe that was just what you needed to be secure in yourself. See it as a fringe benefit!
Get a newer than new you and get a dream…
Love is never planned; it happens!
If you look at history and what people have done who have had many different kinds of losses, you will see the will to survive and find happiness.
One of the strongest messages came from Claude Lanzmann who did the film, “Shoah” about the Holocaust and the people involved; perpetrators and survivors.
Even in concentration camps, people fell in love and even had babies!
There is currently a museum being formed in Los Angeles devoted to Broken Relationships.
It will show mementos from these relationships. There will be jewelry, letters, pictures, and all sorts of memories from a past relationship. You can donate to it!!
The stories that will accompany the tangible items will be from all sorts of broken hearts. How creative!!
You might do the same in your own way. How many wedding rings have been thrown in the ocean?
Emotional heaviness is part of life and a broken heart can be mended. The scar tissue will make it stronger!!!
“The heart is the only broken instrument that works.” – T.E. Kalem