“Tis better to have loved and lost/ Than never to have loved at all.” – Alfred Lord Tennyson
Truer words were never spoken. To have known love is to have experienced what this life is about, or should be about. The tragedy is that this is not taught. How to learn to love?
It can start from being loved as a child, or it can be learned with all its ups and downs as we grow up, or maybe it is never learned. The reason many people can’t know or experience love is because they fear just that; losing it. It can feel like total rejection or horrible pain and who wants that?
With a new year approaching it is a good time to evaluate your love life. Is it fulfilling? Is it more pleasure than pain? Is it ‘juicy?’ Do you want to continue it as it is? All good and necessary questions.
If the pain outweighs the pleasure you may want to breakout and that means a breakup.
What causes that feeling?
It can be a variety of things or that one big thing.
It can be a buildup over time or a huge blowup that displays something never before seen in the person. It’s all different and depends on what you want and can tolerate.
Sometimes it is merely unrealistic expectations or unreasonable demands on your part. Be careful if that is your situation because if you don’t change you will just keep repeating the same pattern again with a new person’s name.
You need to ask if anything could have changed your decision. What might have been possible? What did you express and talk about? How were differences resolved? How long were you together? What held you?
If the breakup is inevitable who decided? How to do it?
I have heard of actual divorces that were learned about on the internet! What kind of communication is that? Cowardly, to say the least!
We all have differences, and we all have our own emotional and physical needs… that’s good. It makes life interesting. When we are no longer really connected and emotionally excited by a partner we need to look at the relationship and decide if it is salvageable. We can ignore it all and fall into a ‘bad habit’ to our detriment and wasted life. Or we can work on it and work it out or… breakout of it.
Love in the end is a selfish act because it comes down to one thing; our joy comes from loving another.
All relationships go through stages and we develop, hopefully, and change. Being in harmony with another going through their process as well is a challenge at best.
The divorce statistics tell a story. Half of first marriages, over half of second, and almost three quarters of third marriages end that way. Learning to find and KEEP love is indeed a learning process. Ignorance will never get you to the promised land; love coupled with passion.
The future is yours to shape.
Nothing will substitute for true love…. EVER!!!
Now if you have not found it do not worry because it is always possible. You only have to be brave enough to chance it.
If you have gone through a breakup, then breakout of old patterns and move on to new ones. A new year is a great time to start it.
It is your chance to be alive, be healthy and happy and get what all those poems and songs talk about.
Once there you will never regret it; even if it ends at some point. It is all good learning.
Makes no difference who you are, what your background, education, life experience, status, or success, you are capable of love if you try.
A breakup can be a breakout of you and old ways of relating. It can be a real opportunity for emotional growth. Do not fear it. We all go through it in some form or another. It is normal. Heartbreak is part of this life. It is a short life so use your time well.
Every ending is a new beginning. You can make it the beginning of a better life for you… it is up to YOU, and YOU alone!
“It is sad when someone you know becomes someone you knew.” – Henry Rollins