“I have always thought that every woman should marry, and no man.” – Benjamin Disraeli
While this was written in about 1870 near the end of his life, some of it may hold true in many respects today.
What does a commitment entail? Marriage certainly has taken on a whole new look and attitude.
People are marrying later, if at all, and deciding if they even want children.
Women are able to be independent and support themselves as well as have interesting productive lives.
Both men and women can be free sexually and hopefully enjoy that wondrous aspect of life.
So who needs a commitment and what does it look like?
If there is money involved arrangements and prenuptial agreements are the norm.
As far as the ‘tasks’ of living go they can be negotiated.
How money is spent and how time is used is all part of any relationship.
The details of extended family goings on and friends are all part of the duo package.
So where does this thing called commitment come into play?
You guessed it… the bedroom.
If you look at many older couples when standards were different, you see lots of quietly miserable people going through the routine of make believe living. It is what they are used to… a bad habit. Comfortable in its’ routines solely, brittle, and flat.
These people were cowards and never had the gumption to move on.
Then there are the ones that get out their misery in all sorts of ways; some subtle some not so.
Then there are those that never took the time to take that inner look to really see how they felt emotionally. They substituted all sorts of nonsense instead of the real thing… passion and love.
They are the gerbils running around the wheel forever. It’s merely an endurance contest!
In a society like ours, where money is god, it is easy to lose sight of and maybe never learn how to develop oneself and seek true happiness.
The people who can keep one another in a basically happy overall state are the smart ones. Smart where it counts… in the bedroom ultimately.
There is no true love that is held through control. The freer the partner the better.
The partner who has a life apart from the relationship brings something to it.
The partner that keeps expanding and growing holds on to their mate.
The partner that is curious about the world and delights in exploring other people, different from themselves is fascinating.
The partner that tries new things, in and out of bed, is a delight.
Then you are both free and come at one another willingly, and joyfully, with anticipation of what love and romance is about.
Yes, feeling loved and cherished and knowing you offer what no one else can allows a real commitment to take place.
There is no need to check up on one another, distrust one another, or even feel threatened in any way. You are all that is needed.
Can there be down times? You bet. Can there be breaches… sometimes. But, in the end if you are confident of what you deliver you will always be the chosen one.
Some relationships can tolerate a lot of freedom; some not so much. As a couple that should be talked about.
Can you flirt? Sure, as long as you bring the body home to your bed.
Can you fantasize? Sure. It can even help in your own bed. The only danger here is if the fantasy is not someone, you will never meet but someone who may be available.
Talking about any and all feelings is the key and in a real relationship that goes on.
Do you want a guarantee that this will go on forever? Forget it. No piece of paper can do that. Do you want a certain continual proof of commitment? Sure. You decide what that should be together.
Without freedom, there is no real love.
Ironclad commitment is prison… not what anyone human wants.
Total freedom also doesn’t work. Being human includes jealousy and worry.
Somewhere in between is ideal and that will differ from couple to couple.
When it doesn’t work look at it, talk about it, renegotiate, then hug, and kiss!!! And afterwards……
“The best way to hold a man is in your arms.” – Mae West