“The whole world is a comedy to those that think, a tragedy for those that feel.” – Horace Walpole
This life is tough, and this world is not easy. In order to survive you have to be ‘tough.’
Getting strong and being able to stand on your own two feet, and being independent takes work. Taking care of others requires even more.
They don’t have to care about doing anyone else’s bidding, pleasing anyone but themselves, and certainly not being vulnerable. Their routines are like that gerbil on the wheel…going through the motions.
They can be busy, involved with work, and any number of activities; some even doing good for the broader world. But, in the end they do not have the experience of opening up, and baring their heart, to a shared experience. Rationalizing or not even looking at their lives they believe that this is all that life offers, and to be sure, many others look exactly the same so maybe that’s it.
Perhaps that is it for the majority of people. Not everyone is able to ‘give’ in all its’ forms.
Can that be learned or changed? I think so. Hence this blog and all my years of counseling and family life education.
To share oneself intimately happens with someone you are connected to; in all its’ forms! The steps may be slow or maybe fast and it usually works in tandem. I tell you how I feel and you share your deep thoughts and feelings and in tandem we learn to trust one another. We move along and it gets us closer and closer.
Attraction and lust starts the ball rolling but real love takes time along with that.
Sometimes a really self-contained successful person views giving up oneself to another as ‘weakness.’
Self-protection is necessary but to get to be totally vulnerable we have to jump in and take that leap of faith.
Testing before will help us bite the bullet.
Intense feelings, needing someone to love, desiring, and being desired are all part of this package. Frightening to be sure. Losing oneself is never easy. Once lost there is no turning back.
If you have chosen well it will be the most fabulous experience on earth. If not you will retreat and not jump in so fast again…maybe not ever. It can feel like a win or lose situation. Keeping control can prevent you from doing what will bring you true happiness.
Now none of this is constant but a little goes a long way.
Knowing you are loved and loving manifests itself in thousands of ways; some small, some large.
Time will test it all, and love will always win out if it is genuine. Sex is the glue for it all.
If a relationship has outlasted its’ usefulness there will be no real love; just that gerbil thing.
When a relationship is deteriorating it takes work to alter it, move it along, bring it to new depths, or end it. All of this is hard, hard work, and can only be accomplished if there is a connection that goes to the two hearts involved. It has to be acknowledged and then talked about, cried about, laughed about, and fought about. All good raw emotions.
This can only happen when each one is ready and able to ‘fight’ for the end result… continued connection… in every way.
Now not every relationship can withstand this, and maybe this kind of closeness was never there. Again, the gerbil. There are couples that live this way all of their lives, and think they are fine. So be it. Some of us have higher standards, and do not settle. Here a caution, that there are always some compromises. Some of us are capable of the best that life offers. My hope is that you are one of those. You don’t know until you ‘give up’ and connect in that special way.
It will not diminish you, you will not be seen as, ’weak’ and you will not disintegrate… You won’t.
What you will do, is be a winner in this life because you will have won the greatest prize of all… LOVE!!!
“To love and win is the best thing. To love and lose, the next best.” – William Makepeace Thackeray