Our Chapters

Keep Your Illusions

“Do not let too strong a light come into your bedroom. There are a great many things which are enhanced by being seen only in a half-light.” – Ovid

Should you go into a relationship with illusions? Yes and no. Confusing? Indeed!

When in love you idealize the lover and when you are in a relationship over any period of time you see the real person and many of the illusions disappear or become downright annoying. It ain’t cute any more.

When it gets too comfortable people let their hair down, so to speak, and they take one another for granted.

Ever hear the tone of voice when she talks on the phone? Ever hear that addressed to you?

Probably not. She’s all cutesy- putsy with the outside world but snaggletoothed with you!

Ever see him so attentive with another woman and just going through the motions or half listening to you? You bet! Many make no effort to put on or deliver what you need.

The first marriage or relationship of time is always the parent of the opposite sex… emotionally.

Like it or not there is little escape as that is what we have lived, and learned and are comfortable with and believe is right.

When it doesn’t fulfill us we drink, smoke, kick the cat, yell at employees, eat, shop, take drugs or find other sources of comfort, or substitute emotion for work. Most of these solutions don’t fill the void, and some are downright destructive.

It takes a lot of hard work and insight to change the pattern, so many just keep it going. Often even when a mate is changed the pattern persists, just the name changes.

You really have to go through the process of emotionally ‘killing’ the parent of the opposite sex to grow up and be a person in your own right. Then and only then can you move on. It is not easy to have that important person angry with you but it MUST be done. For those that haven’t done the job they are still looking to the parent for approval and you have all seen them calling the parent or being with them TOO much. If you have completed the task, it will later help you live with other people, of authority especially, not ‘liking’ you.

Every male in a relationship includes aspects at given periods of being a son, father and lover.

Every woman is a daughter, mother, and lover. In the really good relationships it’s more lover to Keep your Illusionslover over time. And sex will get you over many a bad day and unhappiness.

The old saying of look at the mother if you want to see what your spouse will be like in later life and vice versa for the males is usually true. They are the role models. And the relationship will mirror what went before UNLESS you want to change it. Today there is also the factor of women and men’s roles changing and that enters into it… not always for good. If you did not like what you saw growing up, you may go to an extreme to be different and that can happen but not fast or easily, or sometimes not for the better.

If you have made the beloved what your illusion was before really knowing them you may be very disappointed later. The cute slob before is the mess now, and the way she flits around is no longer desirable as a trait on a steady diet.

He wants to be alone or out with friends, while she wants to shop and spend money. Sex after a baby is not what it used to be and the different ideas about child rearing raise their ugly heads, just to name a few disillusionment’s

So, what’s the last nice thing you did for your partner? Could you think about that regularly or do you become too angry, hurt, or disappointed? Do you fret and have to be right?

Where is the fire, passion, fun, playfulness and so on? Have you become someone just going through the motions and accepting a ho hum life thinking that’s all there is and all you deserve?

Peggy Lee sang that song.

We are walking this planet for a very limited time and yes everyone closer to the finish line says

it is a short life. Well, maybe not if you have LIVED!

Only those who have not been fulfilled fear death; those that have, accept it. We are the only species that knows what the end will be and it’s just a matter of how and when. Hard to live with at times but live it we must… My hope is to have you look at it NOW, and regret little at that finish line!!!

Make your illusions a reality and revel in them and share the joy with that special one and it will spread in many forms to all those around you. You can spot the people who have, ‘it.’ Dead people have NO illusions.

“Understanding is a lot like sex: it’s got a practical purpose, but that’s not why people do it normally” – Frank Oppenheimer