“Humanity is a pigsty, where liars, hypocrites, and the obscene in spirit congregate.” – George Moore
Sound pessimistic and jaundiced? You bet!
Is it true? Often… BUT not always.
The problem is we all try to put on our best show and when we feel we cannot, we resort to playing games.
Sometimes with ourselves, even.
Some really believe their own lies and deceptions. Others make excuses to justify their behavior, and some do buy their own deceit. There are many good actors in all of this and even the best of us succumb to gilding the lily, if you will, at times. When, how often, under what circumstances, and most important with whom, will tell the true story.
No, we cannot or even do not want to be completely honest with who we are and how we deal with one another at all times. Sometimes it is easier to skirt, or avoid an issue, or make it so that we do not really hurt or wound another. Some are merely scarred and ‘chicken.’
When our needs emotionally are not met we can cook up all sorts of games to attempt to have them fulfilled or just understood.
The game is ON when we knowingly do something not direct or talked about.
Some usual examples are sort of fun if not amusing to look at.
The not answering phone calls. Pretending to be out or busy when it is not the case. Telling stories about made-up people or adventures.
Purposely avoiding a contact or confrontation.
Using others to get a message across… a la Cyrano de Bergerac.
Sending anonymous messages… easy today with all the resources available.
Rationalizing or philosophizing to make it sound, ’right’ and both believable, and justifiable.
Being unable to be contacted.
Useful, to be sure, at times to get the message across. But, can a truly loving intimate relationship have games too?
Yes, indeed. Sometimes they help move a process along.
There are some that have worked wonders.
Leona Helmsley is said to have sent herself a big bouquet of roses pretending a suitor sent them to get Harry jealous and have him propose to her rather than procrastinate.
An elderly fabulous woman, Maggie Kuhn, the founder of the Grey Panthers, spoke at Harvard and announced she had a lover thirty years her junior, to which the students stood and applauded. It got her such a lover.
A woman whose husband was in the public eye, and liked attention, arranged for him to meet a fan only to discover his wife was there dressed to kill, waiting to greet him. Messages delivered… Game Over!
It is always just a matter of time before relationships get dull, ho hum, boring or dead. Games can liven them up, or make a new beginning.
Now, I am not suggesting this as a way of life but maybe just a bit of spice to keep us all on our toes and so that ‘taken for granted’ is diminished.
Feeling special and having it demonstrated is what loving is about.
Promises are only good when signed at the bank!!
In the end a bit of game playing may be in order but only a strong real relationship will take it in stride.
“This business of learning how to love is probably the most important lesson anyone ever learns in life, if he is fortunate enough to learn it.” – William Menninger M.D.