“The human race has been set up. Someone, somewhere, is playing a practical joke on us. Apparently, women need to feel loved to have sex. Men need to have sex to feel loved. How do we ever get started?” – Billy Connolly
It was Freud who pondered the question, ’What do women want?’ He never answered it. I however, after over thirty years as a relationship therapist will attempt to assist you guys with some of my insights.
First of all, consider why I start this with a quote about sex. It’s because without that there is no real relationship of intimacy between a man and woman. And there are all kinds of sex; from the perfunctory to the total fabulous loss of self, sex. You need to know things about women. No one teaches you what really matters in this area and what really makes for a good life.
Women can do great damage to you if you do not understand some things. They can be irrational, emotional over anything at any time, they can be demanding, and they can be controlling. Watch out for all the signs and then if love is there learn how to handle these aspects. Let’s see if we can figure some of it out.
Whenever a female is not getting what she wants from you, she will act out or become silent. If she withholds sex she is not a REAL woman, and knows nothing about love.
Now what does she want from you? It’s not the little things that you argue over, or the details about whatever… it is ALWAYS that she does not feel loved the way she wants to be. A real woman only wants to inspire love. Now how is that defined?
It can vary but the studies show that WORDS are your most powerful aphrodisiac.
Now if your deeds do not work together with what you profess there is a problem.
We all USE one another for our purposes, but when in intense love that USE is taken over by wanting to please the partner primarily. It just happens. When you are there you will know it.
No matter how upset, how angry over whatever, how hurt… the magnetic force to be close will get you over it.
The ‘glue’ of sex will conquer all. It will.
So now you need to learn, and better to learn early, how to have great sex. Again, no school for this ultimate of life’s joys.
Masters and Johnson did research that showed that there was absolutely no difference between a vaginal or clitoral orgasm. You of course, need to know where the clitoris is. Do you? Well, it’s that small raised part of the vaginal opening down from the naval. Massage it the way she likes, softly, or vigorously. Ask her. Ok, now get started. It takes a woman longer than a man to get ‘there.’ Average time about fifteen minutes. It can seem an eternity I know, but it’s worth it.
Women can achieve multiple orgasms, and need no time in between. Women know penis size means nothing when it comes to ‘doing’ it. The pleasure from orgasm cannot be measured and need not be discussed after the fact. By the way, it is fabulous for your brain and health. Nice fringe benefit!
Women who are comfortable with their bodies, and confident in themselves who enjoy their sexuality are the best partners. You guys know them and will want to be totally ‘into’ them!
A real woman does not demand declarations of love, or expect you to read her mind. She wants you to listen, has a life apart from you, is interesting and relates openly to you, and talks about her feelings.
One of the areas most men are not aware of is the fact that women like variety. The early relationship had it.
Otherwise it is dull and boring and just a habit for release. Both partners should be free and open to experiment and have fun with one another. Sex actually, if you are not involved, is kind of funny.
Over time you will develop a ‘style’ in bed. Alter it from time to time. Surprises are not bad.
In a recent U.S. survey they found that 14 percent of men were not satisfied with their sex lives and only 16 percent were very satisfied. You can bring that statistic up!!!
In that same survey eight out of ten men preferred performing cunnilingus to having oral sex. There’s a surprise for you!
Sixty five percent used lubricants and forty two percent used vibrators. Won’t go into the other stuff that can go on in bed. When two people want to do it; NOTHING is off limits!!!
If you want a crystal ball look at your mother and then look at hers. See any similarities? Like them? Like their marital relationships? Beware, you are about to repeat emotional history, like it or not. It takes a heap of insight, work, and bravery to change it. Yes, times and attitudes, and things change but the human beings we are have not evolved terribly much… for good or bad.
So, listen up you guys… learn and enjoy, and make her orgasmic. Do not be a selfish lover. It will all pay off, trust me.
“No woman ever falls in love with a man unless she has a better opinion of him than he deserves.” – Ed Howe
Learn anything? Let us hear from you, and don’t be shy. I’ve heard it ALL!