“Anyone can be passionate, but it takes real lovers to be silly.” – Rose Franken
You see, we are born with certain capacities I believe. What gets nurtured and learned then makes us who we become.
If wanted and loved at birth, we are off to a good start. If we are fondled and touched, we are off to an even better start. Love includes all of this in the end, BUT it must be coupled with knowledge and experience and intense connection, which has to include talking about it all. Sharing a body is not enough. Just having, ‘sex’ is not what makes a ‘lover.’
When it comes to real lovers it is always fascinating to see couples who on the surface appear vastly different from one another. That may be age, race, culture, looks, or education. Those things are not what gets it going when it comes to being lovers. It’s the attraction and ability to satisfy one another in and out of bed. The two areas have to be there for real love and love making.
Now what complicates it is the fact that, like it or not, agree, or disagree, I believe men and women are so basically different that to not understand that puts you at an immediate disadvantage.
For women a man is her core of life. How he talks to her, treats her, and most importantly how he lets her know he is attracted to only her and loves her is what gets her ‘juices’ flowing; literally. The caresses, words of endearment, the physical response he has that she feels, all contribute to making him a lover for her.
For men they are busy with their work, conquering dragons, and making their mark in the world. A woman is a PART of their lives. True that women are accomplished today but still that man and his phone call come first!
For a man to be in love she has to treat him and his body as though it were the best in the world. She must NEVER criticize his genitals or sexual performance. She can discuss things about their sex life together at a later point but it is a most sensitive subject for men.
In the act of lovemaking a woman needs at least fifteen minutes of direct clitoral stimulation. She can tell you where and how to touch that area and with what body part that she prefers; penis, tongue, finger.
A man can do the same about how and where he enjoys being handled. If he is too quick to respond she can learn the squeeze technique. As he gets close to orgasm she can hold the top or shaft of the penis and squeeze it to slow him down. He can work on it himself with thoughts; maybe think of his mother? That might put a damper on things for a bit!
I have written about setting the stage for love with a quiet dark room, candles, music, perfume, using feathers, rose petals, an ice cube in the mouth to slowly move down the body of your partner, chocolate sauce, whipped cream, etc. You can experiment. One thing is important and that is to put everything out of your mind except feeling the pleasure of your and your partner’s body. Think about the sex, not the day’s activities or what to do tomorrow!
The overt body of the male’s is really wonderful, while the female is internal and not seen. However, the female orgasm also releases fluid which he can feel.
Never worry about spontaneous, although with time and practice he will learn to speed her up and she will learn to slow him down and then maybe…
With aging it is a fringe benefit that males slow down and that makes it more compatible for the pair.
Being a lover also means that females need to tell their partners what they enjoy about them, about their bodies, about their lovemaking. The brain and ears are good sex organs!!!
This life is not long, and it is filled with difficulties, problems, crises, and boring times. The best and worst is never planned. We cope. We use all sorts of coping mechanisms. For my money, great sex, with a really good lover, makes this life the best that can be offered. It will get you through the ‘bad’ parts.
Learning to be a lover is not fast, or easy. It takes time and practice. There are many road blocks along the way. There are false starts. There are hurts. There are rejections, and disappointments. All part of the package. Do not be thwarted. In history people have died for love and everything in between. It is worth every minute of true love and when you are a lover and find ‘that’ special person you will cherish it more than all the gold on earth! AND you need to keep at it, never take it for granted!! Trust me!!
“Among the first-rate, man’s life is fame, woman’s life is love. Woman is man’s equal only when she makes her life a perpetual offering, as that of a man is perpetual action.” – Balzac