Nanny Versus Mother
“Parents are the last people on earth who ought to have children.” – Samuel Butler
Today we see many women having children for whatever reason and then going back to work and hiring nannies.
Some of them leave their children easily but many leave with a heavy heart. What is especially interesting is that many of these ladies do not have to work or need the money. They are educated, talented, and want to offer something to the world.
Today they are able to work for the pure pleasure of it.
The women who have to work have a different path and many resent the role they have. Being the breadwinner is never easy and putting up with what work entails is not fun a lot of the time.
Coming home after a day at the office, or wherever means not relaxation for many of today’s workforce.
Coming home to children who want attention or need things done for them is not pleasant or looked forward to in many cases. Just the noise level is a problem.
If there is a partner he may not be helpful either. He too may want attention, or just quiet and it’s mother’s job to do it all.
I happen to believe that a successfully accomplished mother sets a good example for children. It also makes her a more fulfilled interesting person for a mate and the outside world.
Now, what about that nanny business?
Well, today there are any variety of persons willing and able to take the responsibility of child care for mothers and in some cases fathers.
They can be old, young, American or foreign.
What I always tell clients, if asked, is that the only qualification is that they be kind and patient and really like the children. References are necessary. How nice it would be if there were courses to certify such people…other than those really expensive ones.
I also think a wife needs to be sure of her relationship with her husband before introducing a pretty, young, flirty nanny into the household. There have been a number of cases where the nanny replaced the wife in short order, in the bedroom!!
At any rate, the situation becomes muddied when the mother is away and comes home tired or not ready to play with her children or respond to their needs. Over time, the nanny has replaced her emotionally with her own children.
The children go to the nanny for everything!
The mother can feel she has been marginalized… and she has.
Children learn to depend on, and yes, love the caretaker who responds to them on a daily regular basis.
There can be competition for the child’s love, especially if the nanny has no children of her own. She consciously or unconsciously wants the child’s heart to be hers.
You can’t blame her; it’s natural. Giving love means you receive it in return… in all relationships and especially with children.
The early years set the tone and the child connects for life.
One of the best examples to read about is the story of Gloria Vanderbilt and her nanny.
What gets imprinted at young tender ages stays for life. Feelings get imprinted. Just seeing the same face, and smelling that person, and feeling their touch day in and day out has a meaning.
While the bond between mother and child is one that cannot be broken the relationship may need attention at some point. The best way to handle the situation is to stress what family means and show love in any way possible when with the child. A child, like an adult, can love and learn from more than one person, and in different ways.
Both mother and nanny can be important influences in a child’s life and be loving and showing it in their unique ways. Each needs to feel important and secure in their role and that may take a bit of understanding and work. Mothers should know only they are the mother, and nannies need to know they are important and cared about.
We can all be number one in different arenas!!
“Women should remain at home, sit still, keep house, and bear and bring up children.” – Martin Luther (1483-1546)