“We like someone because. We love someone although.” – Henri De Montherlant
You may have seen a recent study that stated that talking after sex was perhaps more important to the relationship than the sex act itself!
Well, imagine that.
There’s that story about the brothel for women where for one hundred dollars the man will caress you. For two hundred he will kiss and fondle you. AND for three hundred he will listen to you!
So what is this new generation experiencing with jumping into bed, and THEN getting to know the person?
Maybe it works as well as anything in the past. In former generations the females, if they were ‘good’ girls, were virgins until marriage. Hence many young marriages. What were they saving it for? Did it work out? Was it any better than the relationships that go on today? All good questions.
The issue as I view it is that once sex is in the picture the relationship takes on a new perspective, especially for the female.
Does he love me, will I see him again, am I the only one, and when will he call, are all areas that come into play.
Whatever you think, the guy still has a different role and attitude than the female. Even the most assertive or aggressive female is at his ‘mercy’, like it or not. She however controls the sexual opportunity unless he uses force. It is a trade-off, of sorts.
Sex is never an emergency but it is a powerful drive, maybe the most powerful.
True some females don’t like or want sex but the majority have working hormones, and the guys have a strong drive. If not, something may be wrong.
It could be the lack of intimacy and not feeling loved, cherished, approved, appreciated or maybe a medical problem.
It boils down to whom do you want to be involved with and how to make it happen and stick.
While we usually only deeply love once or probably twice in a lifetime and life is made up of moments of happiness, sex offers a wonderful closeness and joy.
If after meeting someone and having sex with them you discover a whole bunch of stuff that you really don’t like, what to do then? Jump into bed over and over again until, maybe Prince Charming arrives?
Can you be honest and yourself? How do you resolve differences and maybe rejection? Or how do you reject someone? Again, all good questions. They should all be considered BEFORE you get into anything that may involve commitment of any sort.
You know it was Socrates that said, “The un-examined life is not worth living for a human being.” How many of us do that? Being young could help if you take a step back and look at what you are doing. It will give you a jump on life.
Now if drugs, or alcohol are involved that colors the situation.
Where is your will power? What are your values and what is your ultimate goal? Again great questions to ponder.
We all develop patterns of behavior based on many factors; how we feel about ourselves, what we know of the opposite sex, what our parents lived, and so on. If you repeat situations that do not work for you, you definitely need to EXAMINE or get a professional to help you do it.
When you get in bed never forget your parents and his parents are also there with you in a form.
Another important issue to look at is pride and it may be a good thing or a factor that prevents you from moving closer to someone. Control is another piece of this delicate puzzle. Who has it and under what circumstances?
Life will teach you what no one else can. ‘Mistakes’ can be wonderful for learning.
Loving someone includes sex and the only question is how it fits into your situation.
Great sex does not happen by magic but the magic will be there when the right person is in bed with you.
Males like freedom and females like commitment and when they finally get to the point where each is content it is fabulous!! Nature rules!!!
In breaking his engagement to Agatha von Siebold, Brahms wrote her: “I could not love thee, dear, so much if I did not love my freedom more.”