“Of all sexual aberrations, chastity is the strangest.” – Anatole France
As a therapist for decades, I am always curious about the people who choose not to engage in sexual activity… it’s not natural.
The most potent human drive is to connect bodily with a partner who excites you and hopefully one you share loving feelings with. You need to talk about that big O.
Now I am not talking about people who have medical conditions that prevent their expression of love physically or the really old people who are not interested or capable of enjoying sex. But even here just being naked and close and touching; hugging and kissing is lovely. It is the basic human connection.
When it comes to orgasm the question is; does the couple talk about it?
The closer two people are with intimacy the more they share verbally about the things that truly matter to them; FEELINGS!
Young people today are less hung up about the issues. They experiment and have a variety of experiences. All to the good. It is like anything else in this life; the more you know, the better. The more practice the better you are at what you do. The more you are involved the better you can ultimately decide what you need for a long term relationship. It takes time and a lot of ups and downs.
No one is happy all the time. No one is responsible for your happiness but you. You cannot manage your life when it comes to love. It chooses you. You can have great sex without love but you cannot have great love without sex. It is when the two of you are joined that ‘magic’ happens. You want to be together, and you want to please that person in and out of bed.
If you have been hurt before you will be cautious but try and try again.
Females tend to get ‘clingy’ and are often put off or angry about ‘stuff.’ Guys just want to be left alone and happy to have a good sexual partner.
You have to kiss a lot of frogs to get the prince!
When it comes to orgasm talking is needed.
You need to say what you don’t like and more importantly what you do like.
Where to touch, how to touch, and what you share verbally is NECESSARY!!
There should be NO faking it! A good partner knows.
Females especially need to know their bodies and what makes them feel good; a hand, a mouth, a penis…
Where they enjoy being touched and the lightness or strength of the touch matters. It also matters for a guy but he is ready usually at the sight of her. With time and familiarity, he could benefit from the same discussion as she needs.
Orgasms begin long before you hit the bed. They start with the endearing words that are shared. You cannot go from being busy with work, household stuff, children, bills etc. to putting it all aside to be ready for the big O.
Couples who can communicate about intimate feelings can usually talk about that most sensitive subject; their sex life. Those that cannot are probably not close in other ways as well.
When he or she is ‘irreplaceable’ emotionally you have the real deal.
Many couples live in a loveless fashion forever. They are the ‘walking dead.’ You can see them all around you. Years together mean nothing. Endurance contests or just habit. Not good enough for this all too short life. It takes bravery and insight to achieve that higher level of being. Once there you cannot really live without it. You are alive!!
Bringing one another sexual happiness makes you want to do it again and again. Even if you don’t get to the big O, no problem from time to time. Not to worry…just talk and be close.
Over time, you can incorporate ‘toys’ and a variety of surprises. Just put your creative imagination to work! All you need is one another and that magic feeling to get it going.
Because we are a goal-oriented society we have to teach people that the big O is not always necessary or possible. It is not a problem. Have fun with each other in bed.
And as for ‘simultaneous’; who cares. If it happens fine, if not also fine. The big O is a feeling that cannot be duplicated any other way, so learn how to do it and relax.
It will keep you young, happy, and vital. Feeling desired is the best!!
“If you aren’t going all the way, why to go at all?” – Joe Namath.