“People who are sensible about love are incapable of it.” – Douglas Yates
We all know people who we think are ‘smart.’ What defines that for you?
For my money, there are all kinds of smart.
There’s the book learning smart. Those people who read and can tell you all sorts of regurgitated facts or ideas from others.
There’s the professorial type or school marm type who think they have mastered a subject and go on to teach it… over and over again.
There’s the accomplished professional, whatever, who really knows their field and excels at it.
There’s the worldly wise who may or may not be formally educated.
There’s the street-smart person who has learned how to negotiate with the variety of people represented in their world.
There’s the curious person who continues to expand and learn about the world at large and the people who inhabit it.
It seems that many ‘smart’ and accomplished people like to be in control and they are responsible, often talented, and gifted people, in a variety of fields.
They are wonderful and make this world better. They work hard at what they do and they get stuff done. No problem.
The issue is that life is full of contradictions and it is scary so the way they get through is to have a routine and not stray out of their comfort zone, with people who are different from them or areas where they are not protected emotionally. They like their ‘bubble.’ Fine, but limiting. They do not give in to their feelings and often bury them in other activities, or work or whatever.
Often the only real raw emotion they can feel and express is anger. This is especially true when they have leadership positions. Their tender emotions go underground, so to speak. Often they are depressed and push that way down inside themselves; sometimes getting visceral reactions or actually becoming ill.
The really smart ones have done it. Maybe not right away but they will know how they feel and how they are living and they will search for emotional fulfillment.
Often they have to pay a big price; giving up a relationship or marriage that doesn’t work, leaving children, changing jobs, disappointing family and so on.
However, ask any of them if the end was worth it and you will hear a resounding, “Yes,” as then they are ALIVE!!
Being smart about all of this takes time and experience and looking at the way you relate to someone you are drawn to. It starts with that good old sex drive. Nothing good happens without that beginning.
From there it’s baby steps disclosing the real you and like peeling an onion, the layers come off until you are naked in EVERY way. If you are thinking and analyzing it all, it ain’t love in the end.
No one can call themselves smart as far as I’m concerned and I’ve been in this business a long time, until they learn and share love. All the rest is going through the motions and getting through the mundane chores of life. There can be fun, travel, dining out, dances, theater, and so on, but unless you have love with it, it is just doing stuff. When you LOVE, you can sit in a run-down coffee shop with your lover and it is magical!
Giving up control and having total surrender is indeed frightening, and not everyone will do it, but I encourage you, as that is the ONLY way to live joyously.
That is the reason for this blog and I will promise you it is worth it, so try …
“To live is like love – all reason is against it, and all healthy instinct for it.” – Samuel Butler