“The childhood shows the man, as morning shows the day.” – John Milton
Whenever Mother’s Day comes up, we are all driven to contemplate from whence we came.
We can celebrate with good or not so good remembrances and feelings BUT be aware the past affects today!
There are all variety of mothers. And do not forget many people have others in their lives who were not their birth mother but who gave them the nurturing and support, mainly emotional, that prepared them for life.
There are any number of mothers who never should have been; fortunately, today that is a choice.
The women who are unfulfilled, narcissistic, not sexually complete, controlling and so on make poor mothers. They have to fill themselves up emotionally and until someone has their own cup filled, they cannot give to another.
It doesn’t mean that there are not ‘down’ times or periods where you didn’t receive what you needed from that mother; it just means that part of life includes some bad times. It is on the final scale that your mother is measured.
Now for mothers with sons the task is huge. The reason is that old Oedipal story. The first and strongest love is love of mother. Then as an adult you have to ‘emotionally kill’ her in order to transfer the primary feelings of love to another woman. That can be a threat to a mother who still ‘needs’ you in a significant fashion. Then trouble is on the horizon.
It can be shown in many forms. Anger toward the son; hate toward his woman, and so on. It can be subtle or overt.
The man who is ‘caught’ between these two opposing forces is in a quandary. He can love both but differently. In all likelihood, he has chosen a mate just like his mother emotionally.
These two woman will battle it out for his heart.
He tries to please them both and it is a Herculean task.
For daughters they have an easier time, although there are some girls who stay too attached to their ‘daddies’ and that also is not a good scene.
More often though it is the mother-son relationship that is fraught with turmoil.
If they are smart people, they can learn how to handle the situation constructively. The head will help the heart in this scenario.
For the mother the son can express his love for her and recount the positive in his growing up and past. He can be there for her and let her know he wants her included in his life; easier if there are grandchildren.
The partner can remember she is the one he goes to bed with! She can also realize that she is younger, probably prettier, and lives with him. She can make sure she is super affectionate to him in front of his mother and doesn’t allow her to see any dissatisfaction or disagreement between them in front of her. He can assist in this.
The mother has to realize that their relationship is iron clad and they do not need her; only each other. It is not easy and that is why every mother should have a life of her own and not be dependent on children for her emotional well-being.
It is more difficult if the mother is divorced, widowed or sickly. Then there is another wrinkle added. Sometimes the mother can feign illness or need where none actually exists. Sometimes money is used to hold the son hostage.
All of this will build resentment at some point or the son will remain a child attached to the whims of his mother and used for her purposes. He can have a partner and fear her disapproval; just like with his mother.
The other aspect is that the partner should recognize that a man who is kind and caring to his mother will also be that way with her. A son-of-a-bitch is that way clear through.
In counseling over decades, I have seen and heard of the most bizarre things that can go on in these relationships. You really need to be careful and aware. The son, especially if he is young without insight is in jeopardy of losing a good relationship with a woman of his own if he is not careful.
There are many situations where a man is caught between two women but the one with mother and sex partner is one of the most common and most dangerous to him in the end.
The lesson is to be smart and aware, and know the past and like all of life; the more you know the better!!
“The first recipe for happiness is; Avoid too lengthy meditation on the past.” – Andre’ Maurois