“The woman who cannot hate like a bitch afire, and express it, cannot love like a tigress, or a kitten.” – Brendan Francis
Get angry, by all means, and let it out.
Women usually get nasty, or retreat in silence. Men have the fight or flight syndrome. Whatever… it is anger expressed. Now sometimes it can get furious, and if you look at the majority of murders, it’s because of love gone awry.
Look at the things that make you angry. Most of the time it’s because of unmet emotional needs. He/she doesn’t say or do what you want, the way you want, or when you want… simple as that.
Now the specific cause may have nothing to do with the underlying real reason.
We get hurt, disappointed, and angry with the same issues all the time. If we have tried to calmly, after the fight, explain the reason, and our partner persists in the same behavior, he or she can’t or won’t change, and you have to decide if it is worth all the drama.
We get angry about things left over from childhood and how we ultimately feel about ourselves. It is all based on what we think we are ‘worth’ and deserving of.
If we grew up thinking we were wanted, special, attractive, liked our body, and became accomplished and valued we have a solid core.
If we are insecure in any of the important areas of life, we are more vulnerable.
We become sensitive in the spot that makes us feel lessened, not valued or appreciated, or understood.
If you are a long way from the person you want to be you are already on shaky ground and anything might set you off. You feel attacked and have to fight back or crumble.
We need to know who we are and how we tolerate a partner who is not US. The really insecure ones try, or do use control as a means of keeping a partner. Some unsuspecting partners even allow it, or think it is the easy way out. HA!
In the beginning of most really loving relationships we like the differences in our partner and certainly overlook much. With time, these same attributes become liabilities. This is especially the case when affection, and yes, sex, is not good or even there. That is the salve for bruised feelings. It works wonders!!
People are usually all happy in the same way, but misery is unique to each one.
The question may become who has leverage here and how is it used.
The story of Venus, the goddess of love and Adonis, the handsome hunter who thought he was the best, shows what can happen to a couple; mythical or not.
She dreamed he had an accident while hunting and tried to prevent him from a hunt. He ignored her and went off and a wild pig killed him with its’ tusks. She had to watch him die as a result.
So there… who doesn’t listen to you?
That could have been a BIG fight!
At any rate to move on, don’t stop disagreeing, or having differences of opinions, just know how to keep healing. The worst relationships are the ones that tell you they never fight. They have no passion and are just pathetic and really don’t care a hoot about one another.
Be careful about what is said in the heat of an argument, as that will be remembered. If you fight dirty and tear down the person rather than deal with the issue that can be very damaging.
In some cases people are so dissatisfied with themselves their anger is let out on the person closest to them who they think will not abandon them. That is another situation entirely.
Some rules that could help include, honoring boundaries, accept the reality that your partner is not you and thinking as you do.
Make ups can be great; intimate, and special. You can examine the issues, grow, and not keep repeating the same stuff. If not, make a joke the next time about, ‘Here, we go again.’
Being unhappy is stultifying and will fester. Get it out and keep the flame ignited, but in a positive way. Your partner should be your best friend who is SEXY!!
“One privilege of being associated with people whom a person loves is that of being angry with them.” – Arthur T. Jersild
What gets you furious?