Our Chapters

When Love Sucks!

We all search for love…to love and be loved is the best, but there will ALWAYS be a point where it sucks! Trust me I’ve been in the relationship business for well over thirty years and I’ve seen and heard it all as well as having a life and having many friends.

Every relationship that feels like love is fabulous at the start. The beloved is seen through rose-colored glasses and the attraction and sexual urge is powerful. Everything just feels good. You are wanted, adored, and sensual and there is longing to be together and joy and happiness when it occurs.

You think about the person, dress for them, make yourself the most desirable for them.

Communication goes on verbally and non verbally and hopefully honestly, but you will always know how you both feel no matter what is said or not said. Hearts can’t lie. There must be attraction for love to grow and real love takes time as you discover one another.

As a relationship evolves, more is learned and certainly experienced so that some signs of difference or unmet needs may begin to surface. These may be forgiven or excused, as the drive to be connected will overcome the parts that may be causing concern. Sex here can make up for a lot. Women seem to need a reason to have sex while men just need a place! But over time, both parties can certainly feel love for one another. There is a difference between immature love which is “I need you,” as opposed to a more mature love which says, “I need you in order to show my love for you.”

Since the heart rules, the head may struggle with love and eventually has to give way to feelings. Being vulnerable which means you can be hurt is an extremely difficult task and many people are not capable or willing to do it.

If there have been unfulfilled relationships in the past it is harder to trust that a new love may be different and so individuals will not take the risk. Only time and working things through will overcome this. Talking openly about feelings is necessary and again not everyone can do this or do it easily. It is a scary business.

With time and familiarity and certainly with marriage the passion will change. Taking one another for granted, not taking care of oneself, letting anger rule, and a myriad of other problems can slowly or quickly erode what started out beautifully.

So what to do?

Know going into any romantic relationship that things do not stay the same and you will not remain the same and hopefully you will continue to learn and grow emotionally. It takes being aware, being honest, sharing feelings, demonstrating caring, and not giving up if it is to last a long time. If not…move on!!

There is no more fabulous feeling than being in love and no pain like love gone!!