“A youth with his first cigar makes himself sick; a youth with his first girl makes everyone sick.” – Mary Wilson Little
“One day Alice came to a fork in the road and saw a Cheshire cat in a tree. “Which road do I take? ”She asked. “Where do you want to go” was his response. “I don’t know,” Alice answered. “Then,” said the cat,“ it doesn’t matter.” – Lewis Carroll.
And that’s the way it is with a lot of teenagers. They are not and cannot be sure where they want to go… especially when it comes to sex.
Teen boys are driven by their hormones and teen girls want to find love and be accepted, and find and hold on to a guy.
That makes for a BIG problem.
Boys pressure and promise devotion and girls buy the line. They can really like the guy but once sex comes into the picture, whether oral, manual, or vaginal the whole story changes. Do not kid yourself the ‘bad’ girls still get a reputation and the boys and girls too, know who they are.
Even when you convince yourself this is DIFFERENT, trust me it isn’t and it will come out the same. You will have to live with it as a young woman, and maybe regret it. The boys just find relief and maybe they do ‘love’ the girl, but that will pass. You will not be buried in old age next to one another. There will be many more people in your love life over time.
So, what’s my advice? Be cautious. You will NEVER forget your first experience, (and it is not usually terrific), and do not waste it. Starter love is great and those feelings are powerful and wonderful, BUT sex is a whole different story. When you are mature, (not an age), sex is fabulous coupled with devotion, and time and all the ups and downs that real love coupled with passion brings.
At sixteen or so you are not THERE. And yes some people never risk it but most try.
Also at sixteen or so you are still developing in many other ways. Lots of them are confusing and difficult.
You are not a young adult and no longer a child but you will waver back and forth between both ends. Act like an infant and need mommy and then act like a young adult and be independent and make your own decisions. Go back and forth and eventually you will be independent and stand on your own two feet and have ALL the responsibility for your life… not always fun. So, enjoy the process and waver back and forth and make decisions but think first.
You have a lot to do with school, career, self-image, sexual desire; perhaps friend issues, siblings, step-families, and so on. It’s a lot.
Acting under the influence of others, alcohol, or drugs, or pressure of, “If you loved me you would.” Or “Of course I will respect you in the morning.” may not work for you in the end.
Now it doesn’t mean if you do act and feel badly later or feel that you made a mistake, the world will not end and it will not be on the eleven o’clock news, but you will have work to do to learn from your behavior.
Real love takes a long time and some people never get there, and true some people just like sex for sex, so you decide what works for you. And sometimes there is room for both aspects.
Again, it has to work for you, and you will KNOW what is right for you.
Sex serves many purposes. Some people need it to feel desired, or accepted. Some people need it to get back at parents. Some use it to just get it over with. And so on…
I’m not even mentioning diseases, birth control or pregnancy here but that all factors into the issue.
How you feel about yourself will determine what you DO.
Difficulty at home with parents as you struggle to emotionally separate yourself is normal but do not go too far as you are not yet finished developing or totally independent. One day you will be. And one day you will have this conversation with your own teenagers. Won’t that be fun telling them about your experiences? You bet!
“I have found the best way to give advice to your children is to find out what they want and then advise them to do it.” – Harry S. Truman